I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This house was built for laser tag.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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