So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize