Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
