TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
