Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
