Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
