I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
