id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
