I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
