I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
