Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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