you guys were way drunker than both of me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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