He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
