thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
