Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
not ubering you a puppy
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