Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
