hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
