im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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