it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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