Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
True but thats because hes a fetus.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
