She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
