you guys were way drunker than both of me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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