He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
