I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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