Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Someone came in the potted fern
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize