haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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