My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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