I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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