You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize