Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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