I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
