I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
