Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
