Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
