awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
