I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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