I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
