Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
