we have pet lesbian snakes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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