be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
