I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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