She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
