I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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