I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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