you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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