FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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