i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
