We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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