fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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