I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
