There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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