just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
