He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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