No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
