You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
