dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
