If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
