Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if only i could text you this smell
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
