Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
