You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
