I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
