There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my being single is dangerous.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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