apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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