was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize