Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
