when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
