So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
