id be glad to
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
