Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
