I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
