The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
