You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
