i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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