Yo dont text me then not text me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
