I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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