Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
