my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
