I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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