His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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