did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
