Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
