just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
