He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
