i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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