Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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