I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
love makes seman taste better
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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