I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
