So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
