sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
