Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
