i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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