you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
