I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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