Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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