well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
