I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How does one acquire holy water?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
