Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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