Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
