We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
