my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize