I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
