I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
