You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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