Who wears a wallet chain?!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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