woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Boobs speak an international language.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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