I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
God, I missed his penis.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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