I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
