She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
