it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
should my penis look like a turkey
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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