I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
